


In the Moment of a Silent Thought

by SnowfallBreeze (friendlyneighborhoodfairy)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Death Eaters, Gen, Minor Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Murder, Regret, remembering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 19:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7983574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/pseuds/SnowfallBreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot of Snape's thoughts before and during when he must kill Dumbledore. Just as angsty as it sounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Moment of a Silent Thought

The silence in the room was so loud.

Behind Snape's façade of blank eyes and expressionless face lay a roiling storm. He almost shivered. Almost. But he was better than that.

"Will you, Severus, watch over my son, Draco, as he attempts to fulfill the Dark Lord's wishes?" asked the pale blonde woman before him.

If he said no, his chances to help the Order were over. The Death Eaters would know who he was, and he would be a dead man by morning, no more use to anyone—

"I will."

"And will you, to the best of your ability, protect him from harm?"

But on the other hand, he had to think what he was saying, what he was promising.

"I will."

"And…"

They both took a deep breath. Narcissa was crying, but her voice came out steady.

"…should it prove necessary…if it seems Draco will fail…will you carry out the deed that the Dark Lord has ordered Draco to perform?"

Here it was, the decision. They had discussed this, the course of action, and he already knew what he must do—

There was a pause.

"I will."

A death sentence.

\------------------------------

Some say that love is the most powerful force that exists in the world. But even with love, there were problems. Along the whole path of Snape's life, he had been fighting love with hate and hate with love. He'd driven away the one person in the world who loved him with hatred; and then she then hated him while he looked on in sick, distant, unrequited admiration.

Since then, two things had haunted him: she was married to his enemy, and she had died by his words.

Her ghost haunting him is what led him to a second chance. But just because he had another shot at doing what was right, that didn't mean the ghosts went away. Nobody ever mentioned that. How they dogged your footsteps even when you'd done everything in your power.

Second chances weren't for redemption. They were for all the people you hurt to torture you with your failures, choke you with your own remorse, and one day kill you from working so hard to undo things that cannot be undone.

The man who had given him a second chance now wanted a repetition of events. He wanted Snape to have another ghost—and they both knew it was because Snape deserved it.

He couldn't do it again: he could not harm the ones he cared for. But he would have to. Or the beautiful ghost who tortured him day after day would never love him again.

\------------------------------

Loud banging on the door assaulted the last shred of peace Snape would ever have. For a moment, he stood frozen by the hearth, firelight digging into the lines of his face.

"Come in."

Flitwick's robes were on backwards, his glasses askew. He was pale with fear.

"…So many, and Dumbledore's away! Dressed in black, all in black: Death Eaters, Severus, so many of them, we are trying to keep them back…but Dumbledore's gone, we just can't hold them back, they keep attacking, there's just too many of them, and we need your help…"

Snape held his wand under his cloak. He already knew all of this.

"Stupify."

The small professor slumped to the floor. Snape hesitated a moment—but only a moment. In two long strides, he was out the door.

The first surprise: two girls waited outside his door. Friends of Potter. The boy must have known somehow. But it didn't matter now.

"Professor Flitwick passed out from shock. Stay out of the halls," he heard his own voice say. It was a stupid warning, considering what he was to do. He would bring about the death of them all. "Hide. I need to go hold the enemy off."

Footsteps of unstoppable doom: he echoed down the hallway.

\------------------------------

He was at the fray within minutes, but he barely cared what went on here. He dodged a few curses, but passed through unscathed. No one was trying to jinx him, for none of them knew which side he was on. Yet. And they won't for a long time.

Not that their opinions mattered. Snape had always been alone. What she thought of him was all-important.

He dashed through the invisible barrier to the winding staircase. His left forearm burned where the Dark Mark scored his flesh. He hated it. He hated himself.

He wrapped that self-loathing around his heart for protection.

What met his eyes at the top of the stairwell was no more a surprise for him than the rest, but the sight still hit him like a bludger. Five Death Eaters stood around a wand-less and clearly suffering old man. Dumbledore. He was not standing tall or strong like he always did. He had done it: he had found another Horcrux. And here he was, about to die.

The wand in Snape's hand dangled uselessly at his side—and then Amycus was speaking and he regained his composure. Suddenly, the words of the other Death Eater were drowned out as a horrible voice spoke to him.

"Severus…"

Dumbledore's whisper was weak, yet frightening beyond anything Snape had ever heard. Ice ran through Snape's veins. Albus Dumbledore was pleading.

Snape found himself walking forward in a trance, shoving the Malfoy boy out of the way. Hatred and fear twisted his face, and for the first time since becoming an Occlumens, his eyes spoke his sentiment. I am too weak.

Did two wrongs make a right? Would this really enable him to defeat the dark lord so his beloved ghost could rest in peace? Or would this risky plan go terribly wrong, just like the last one?

Behind Snape, the other Death Eaters cowered away. His rage was etched in every line and crevice of his sharp face.

The message that Dumbledore's eyes were sending went into his brain and sat there, numb like the rest of him. Harry Potter was here, on this parapet, and needed to be kept safe.

"Severus…please…"

There was no other choice.

He summoned all his rage, all his brokenness, all his weeping, and all his desperate desire for something he could never, ever have. He raised his wand and pointed it at Dumbledore's heart.

Severus Snape yelled, "Avada Kedavra!"

The impact of the curse knocked Dumbledore off the side of the parapet. Snape fled.


End file.
